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lovelibutrkup
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Name: Maria
Country: United States
State: Georgia
Metro: Atlanta
Gender: Female
Interests: travel, tv, tomes, tunes
Expertise: Only so much do I know, as I have lived
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes
- Oscar Wilde
Occupation: Student of the world
Message: message me
Member Since:
7/11/2003
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| every year, i remember the events of another September 11th with grief. i have told my story, which isn't anything exciting, many times, but this morning, i feel the edges of time starting to snatch away my memory of that morning. i do not want to forget. i feel like i would be doing a disservice to the victims of the tragedy, that their loss and their families' pain is not worth making a dent in my permanent consciousness. i want to put my memory on "paper" for now, and for my son, who will never understand the horror we all experienced that day.
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I was a senior in high school. the first plane must have hit while i was still in first period, Economics class. I heard nothing about it. I was in second period class, Guitar I, when I first heard the news. The morning announcements were made via TV, a class my sister was actually in. My teacher, Mr. Smith, turned on the TV, just as he did every morning, and went back to his desk. Unusually, the TV was playing something other than our school's "anchors", Dustin and some girl,,, Christina? I was talking to my classmates, and I glanced up, to see what I thought was a trailer for a new action catastrophe movie. As it kept going, I realized it wasn't a commercial, it was the news. I wondered if I had missed something, if this was old news, had this happened some other day and I didn't realize it, where was this happening.... Was that the World Trade Center? In New York City? A plane had hit it? Slowly other people were realizing something was going on, and the volume was turned up. The announcer was saying that this was a plane that had hit one tower, and I realized, suddenly, with total clarity, that something like this didn't happen by accident. No one could fly a plane that low, into a city like New York. This had been done on purpose. This was a terrorist attack. And then they showed footage of the second tower being hit. Someone, maybe more than one person, screamed. Something was going on.
I was hit with fear. How could this happen? Twice? And then we had to go to our next class. I couldn't believe life was continuing to march on, that no major announcements were being made over the P.A., that I was supposed to forget what I had just seen. I arrived in 3rd period class, A.P. English, with Mr. Kendall. my memory betrays me here. I cannot recall if he had the TV turned on then, but I do remember that he expected us to go on, having a normal class session, discussing the novel we were supposed to be reading. I cannot recall the conversation, nor the book. I probably could not have recalled it on September 12, 2001. I was frozen in my seat, wondering what was going on in the world while we were sitting here, discussing something that could probably wait for tomorrow. I know now that the first tower fell while I was in that class.
I arrived to 4th period, Yearbook- Journalism class, almost at a run. I was anxious, almost frantic to know what was going on. Any class activity was suspended, as we all sat, glued to our seats, watching news coverage, and listening to reports, that we now know were false, of the world as we knew it crumbling before our eyes. There were news tickers of bombs going off at the State Department, the FBI building. There was allegedly a plane en route with a collision course with the White House . The Pentagon was hit- that one, had accompanying video footage. and then-- the second tower fell. I am crying now as I type this, as I cried then. It was completely unbelievable.Completely surreal. I thought I was watching the beginning of a world war, of Armageddon.
Several people in my class were making phone calls, trying to find out where family members in NY were. I had forgotten how many people in South Florida had strong ties to New York City. I called my parents, wondering what to do, wondering if they could pick me up, wishing I could just go home, and not have to continue the day as if it were any other. They didn't.
The rest of the day is a blur. I do not remember anything else. I do remember being home, watching the endless news coverage, tears streaming down my face. I did not go to school the next day, neither did my sister. My parents both stayed home from work. We did not do anything but watch television and mourn for the loss of families, the loss of heroes, the loss of innocence.
I will never forget.
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| we are enjoying each other, quiet moments in the mornings, playtimes in the afternoon, fussiness in the evenings. Jelly is mastering the art of rolling back and forth, as i am trying to encourage him to practice sitting up. unsuccessfully, thus far. spring is finally upon us, it has quietly drizzled for the last 3 days. I am excited to see what progress the blossoms have made once we can venture out again, and take a peek at the fresh growth. I feel that nature is mirroring my baby's growth- tentatively peeking out of the winter caverns of darkness, into the marvelous light. I am SO glad winter is finally over- my moods were definately as dark as the days, and i feel so much lighter now that sunshine has arrived. | | |
| life with james is moving fast and slow at the same time. each day, sometimes, seems like a replay of the day before, monotony broken only by the expeditions ((no longer just the simple title of "running errands"- any journey out of the house becomes a mountain to conquer)) i endure just to have something new to look foward to. --> thoughts of "today, i will try to make it to publix" lead to planning and timing and packing and coaxing and tears and eventual postponment---> "maybe tomorrow". then i see him do something that demonstrates his rapid growth, his constant advancement, his journey leading to the inevitable day where he no longer depends on me for anything more than an occasional phone call, and i panic at the thought, and think "i need to live in today, enjoy this moment, for eternity" surely, this fear of impending adulthood is a little premature but just yesterday he was a newborn and today, he is rolling over, beginning his independence, no longer relying on me to reach his desired destination .tomorrow, he will be walking, eventually away from me. in spite of this motherly panic, i rejoiced in j.b.'s new accomplishment. yesterday afternoon, he decided he was going to roll over from his back onto his stomach, and now, no one can stop him. however, once he attains his belly status, he gets stuck and frustrated because he has never quite mastered the art of rolling in the other direction. its quite hilarious, in a sad and pitiful sort of way, as he howls his anger at the world at large for not allowing him to crawl - or better yet, walk- just yet. we have just returned from a little roadtrip that led to Fountain, NC. birthplace of James' great- grandmother, and home to generations of Turnages as far back ( as we know) as James' great-great-great-grandfather. we visited the home of this 3G grandfather, which is currently being restored, by James great-second cousin (is that even a title?) --- and it was awesome. all in all, it was nice to get away, for several reasons, and i wish we could've visited longer. someday... | | |
| i hope this new president will bring change that is positive for my family and most of all, for the future of my son. | | |
| so James- aka Jellybean aka Jellybelly aka Jellykins aka Jelly aka Chubb Chubbs aka Nakkies aka Mr James Dean Jellybean aka Preciousness aka Poops Jr aka Baby Poops aka Baby Nug----- has fully taken over my life.he is the boss of this household even though he may not know it( he may know it) as everyone told me during those difficult first few weeks, it did get easier. its gotten...manageable? i still havent been able to clean the house, or make a normal dinner on my own, but the laundry isnt piled up, the dishes are usually clean, and im getting a 80% nights sleep. so i think we are on a good track. he changes so much per week. i find myself missing those first few days of life. i couldnt really appreciate them at the time- i was so wound up, so anxious, scared, in pain, resentful...i felt so nervous that i would screw it up, and i felt so unconnected to James. i wish i could now relive them and tell my past self that it really IS going to be ok. it would all work itself out. so many people were telling me the same thing, but i could not compute, could not comprehend how it would EVER be ok or any easier. and if it was, it seemed so far into the future i thought i would never get there. and now he is older already, still a baby, but less attached to me, less cuddley, less likely to just trustingly fall asleep as he lays on my chest. now he wants to look around and squirm and ----horrifically-- watch the tv. he has some major accomplishments so far. he smiles, beautifully, a toothless joy. he is beginning to laugh- not a full out loud laugh but a little noise you can tell is pleasure. he is a major squirmer, whenever he lays on his changing table, he kicks with such force and energy, i know if he was under water he'd be giving michael phelps a run for his money. he is also a prodigous head butter- he has given many a family member a sore lip. he is finally starting to notice his mobile and likes to stare at it whenever it is turned on. he also likes to stare at the tv, which makes me feel very guilty and very nervous for the future. i love him :) | | |
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